As everyone knows, I’ve struggled with alcohol for a long time. I’m open enough to admit that I can only take my battle with alcohol one day at a time. It isn’t easy, but I am determined to have a future.
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate people’s support. Everyone’s been great. I would like to have an honest future. I know it’s up to me to make that possible and not a pipe dream.
Life has been tough at times, I haven’t always dealt with it in the right way. I’ve let down a lot of people. I’ve let down my family and I’ve let down myself.
Most of all, in recent years, I have let down my fiancée Denise. I wasn’t always nice to her. I let her down at times, I wasn’t always the best of person.
I want to start a new life. I want to start afresh now. I feel I’m in the best place to do it.
Football has been my life. It’s what I know. Football was easy for me and playing just felt natural. It’s once you finish playing that life becomes more difficult.
I want to give something back to the game. I want to teach kids how to get an edge in their football. Like how to deal with taller players in the air and how to match quicker opponents.
Terry Venables taught me all this at Palace. Little things that helped me in my career. If I can pass these on to kids, to help them enjoy their football, that will be very special to me. And I’d make it fun!
I want to inspire others like me, to see past their problems and find a better future.